Come Visit Our New Place!

It's finally happened! I took the plunge and moved! But don't worry, all the content you love is at the new address, too, so there's no need to pitch a fit ;) Come on over to LaraMolettiere.com for all the Preschool, Montessori, Apraxia awareness and adventures and information you know (and we hope love) us for and join in all our new fun, too! Don't miss a single update and subscribe by email here. (There's a free printable in it for you!)

Thank you so much for being an extended part of our homeschool family! We can't wait for you to visit our new home!

Blessings,
Lara

Surviving the Holidays with Apraxia

There is a point when you realize that the holidays are coming (or it dawns on you that they are here) and you cringe. This does not make you Scrooge. It probably means you are already trying to figure out how to navigate all the parties, gatherings, and well meaning family and friends without losing your cool or becoming completely depressed with the loneliness that can come from special needs parenting.

Apraxia has it's own set of challenges in that, like a lot of genetic and neurological disorders, it is not visible. It can also come with fun things like SPD, auditory defensiveness, dyspraxia, dyslexia, motor skill issues, etc. The people who love you but say unhelpful or insensitive things just don't know. They don't understand. They probably never will. They are probably lacking in education and understanding about your child's challenges. So try to remember that (usually) even when it is less than helpful and a little infuriating, they love you and your child.

Here are some things that can help you navigate the holidays to hopefully prevent any major humbugs.

• CASANA has a fantastic page of downloads you can print to give to family and teachers. I recommend ahead of time, especially if this is your first holiday season with the diagnosis. Remember that they will not all "get it". Some just can't understand, some just won't. Knowing you have made every effort to provide answers and allow them to ask questions will help you feel more prepared. 
• If you know your child has sensory issues plan ahead. If you need to take comfort items, weighted blankets, etc. make yourself a note. In the hustle and bustle, important things can sometimes get left behind. 
• It is OK to hover near your child until they are comfortable wherever you are. Our children need us to be their voices and while they are too young to speak up for themselves in other ways, sometimes they need our intervention and protection. Don't be afraid to step in, especially for younger children, when you think play may be going awry or a relative is giving them a hard time.
• If your child is on a special diet, make sure the grown ups know. Especially if it is a younger child. Go ahead and bring a small lunch bag full of safe foods and drinks. Eating any way other than SAD (standard American diet) can be met with resistance and negative comments. Remember that it is your child and your decisions and that you are doing what you think is best and that is what matters!
• Therapy can get expensive. So can getting additional learning and speech practice toys and apps,  Kauffman cards to use at home, and gas to get back and forth to therapy. Small homemade gifts from the heart or foregoing gifts for extended family and friends is totally OK. Do not let yourself or anyone else make you feel bad. You are spending money where it needs to be spent to best help your child.
• Don't over schedule yourself or your child. It's good to say no sometimes. 
• Do NOT allow yourself to fall into the comparison trap when you watch other children play. Comparison is the thief of joy.  Your child was made with a great purpose and will accomplish all they were meant to in their own time.
• Get a small notebook or make yourself a list on your phone of all the cool things, new experiences and precious moments that happen during this holiday season. It will bring lots of smiles and help calm you when everything seem too loud, too busy, and too much.
• I pray a short prayer before we go out. And sometimes while we are out if the need for a quiet tongue arises. You know the situations I'm talking about. Mine goes like this, "God, I need Your grace for this person and their lack of understanding. And Your hand over my mouth. Please. Amen". Take a deep breath and walk out the door or away from the conversation. It has helped me immensely to have this short prayer memorized. Find one that works for you.

These are things that have helped us. We are still in the younger child stages. If you have an older child with Apraxia, please share things that have helped you during holidays and gatherings! Have a very blessed and wonderful Christmas and enjoy this time with your little ones!

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Link up your Special Needs Holiday Help posts below:

Must Have Items for Homeschooling a Preschooler with Apraxia

This post contains affiliate links. You are never charged additional amounts and we are very grateful for the support our homeschool gets when you shop through our affiliate links. Please see our disclosure page for more information. 

You can see how we use more toys for speech at home here.

Apraxia Kids website 

*Please note that our "must haves" are not a replacement for good speech therapy with a qualified SLP, just additional helps we have found to work well for us. I am not an SLP, just a mom who loves her little guy and wants to share what has helped us in case it can help you and your little one.*

Here are the links to the apps we love and use often:

Signing Time:

The always useful laminator:

We are linked up here:

Taking It Slow: The Power of Yet

As I'm writing this, it is the one year anniversary of getting Mr. T's initial diagnosis for Apraxia of Speech. My little insomniac is still playing away in his room at 9:32 on a Friday night and I'm ready for bed. This journey so far has taught me so much and I pray that God continues to use it to shape me into a more gentle and patient spirit and a mother that truly brings glory to Him through the children He has entrusted to me.

So there's this moment when your heart skips a beat and you literally can't breathe when you are told your child is not "perfect". Your wonderful, amazing, blessing from above is not what you were expecting. That picture you had in your head of your child and their life is suddenly shattered. The bicycle riding, the incredible sweet bedtime conversations with your 2 year old, the birthday parties, the carefree days and typical milestone expectations. Gone. Just. Like. That. The real beauty of the special needs community is that no matter what your child's needs may be or how severe they are, we all know that any "diagnosis" causes the parent grief. Because it's medical. We can't change it, we can't "fix" it, we can't take it away and give that perfect picture back to our child or to our self.

We understand that it causes pain and anger and frustration. Be it Autism, Down Syndrome, Celiac, Apraxia, Diabetes, CP, APD or whatever set of initials, it means things must change. Diet, therapy appointments, doctor visits, learning an alternate form of communication, finding a support group for them and for you and dealing with a "new" normal for your family. It causes stressed emotions and relationships and it is downright lonely. Especially at first. After you go through the stages of grief and begin to settle in, you slowly begin to understand the power of yet.

A conjunction that holds the future. Yet is defined as: But at the same time; but nevertheless. My child can't walk yet. My child can't speak yet. My child can't sit still yet. My child can't do a jumping jack yet. Yet gives our children a freedom to keep reaching for goal after goal after goal. It gives us, the parents, a freedom from self imposed guilt, from the comparison trap, and a limitless supply of hope. Helen Keller is a wonderful example of what yet can do. Her parents didn't give up, they believed she just hadn't found the right help yet. Then they found Anne Sullivan. If it weren't for yet, we would not know who Helen Keller was. Yet is a big deal and it is a word we should all use more!

In our journey, I have found yet to show up alongside grace (unmerited favor, or in plain speak a whole lotta forgiveness, understanding and patience)  more often than not. Mr. T cannot manage zippers yet. Grace allows me to keep my cool when he insists on doing it himself anyway. Strangers cannot understand 80% of what Mr. T says yet. Grace allows me to show kindness and sometimes mercy when I have to explain his challenges and why he sometimes does what he does. All the yets we have already conquered give me so much hope. All that hope allows me to show grace. And that grace allows others to see that God can work amazing miracles in the most prodigal of us. And He can do it through our precious little ones, I think He often does. Special needs or not.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you  face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking in anything." James 1:2-4. God isn't finished with me yet.I am learning how important perseverance really is.


If God is calling you to homeschool your special needs child but you have a fear of not being able, remember that God isn't finished with you yet, either. I'd love to connect through comments or email and help you in any way I can, even if it is just specific prayers for you and your sweet family. You are a blessing to me just by being here!

An update on Mr. T currently: Apraxia of speech, auditory processing disorder (mainly an issue in visually noisy environments), dyspraxia, non-celiac gluten intolerance, fine motor planning issues and SPD. But we are making progress every day and I totally count therapy and practice as homeschool time!We have speech once a week, OT once a week and are about to begin Listening Therapy on top of our speech practice and sensory diet at home.

Thoughtful Thursday: To Everything There is a Season

To everything there is a season. Everything in God's time, and His time is perfect. As a special needs mom, I struggle with this. A lot. And while we were out picking blueberries this week, I was struck with how incredible God's timing really is. Like this blueberry bush, in our season we have an abundance of fruit, though not all of it is perfectly ripe at the same time. This allows us to mature and to keep giving of our God given gifts for a longer period of time.

This beautiful reminder came on a day I was reeling with how far we still have to go with Mr. T's Apraxia. The Spirit knows when we are weak and when our souls are crying out and if we will just be still, and sometimes look right in front of us, God is always speaking strength to our weakness. He is faithful, and I am so glad His mercies are new every single day. I sometimes forget to notice all the ripe fruit Mr. T has because I focus on where we "should" be.

What fruits are you thankful for right now in this moment?

I'm not that kind of mom

Sometimes God calls us to share things we are afraid of. And I've had this on my heart for a while. I know lots of other moms and moms-to-be probably have, too. You see, I'm not that kind of mom. When I was pregnant with Mr. T, I prayed all the usual things, smart, happy, loving, sweet, for my sweet one to always love God first and foremost. But I also always prayed, "dear God, please don't let my son have autism." Because the "big A" scares me. It didn't before I began this journey of motherhood. But oh how those 2 pink lines change everything.

It wasn't the thought of my child having autism that frightened me. I have and do know blessings all across the spectrum and each one is amazing. God does not make mistakes, He makes miracles. But I am weak, and selfish, and fragile and so very human. I was terrified because all the moms I know with autistic kiddos, they are so strong. They are amazing. They are smart. They are warrior and tiger and saint mothers. And I am me. I am fallen, I am impatient, God is not finished with me yet. I was terrified of the mother I would be because of the person that I am.

And my prayers of pregnancy were answered. Mr. T is loving, sweet (most of the time), he is amazingly smart and he is growing in his understanding of "Gah" and "Ee-uh", and oh how this mama's heart melts when his sweet little approximations of those precious names come tumbling out when we are reading our devotions or saying verses, but I digress. As of right now, our diagnosis is Apraxia of Speech with sensory seeking and fine motor skill issues alongside. I don't know if we are clear yet, Mr. T does have some ASD tendencies, so we shall see. Sometimes God's answers are not what we wanted but they are so much better than what we planned.

But I have to tell you, I am still not that kind of mom. God knew what I could handle and He piled on so much more than that. My stubborn heart, my ugly heart, my weak spirit have all been tested and broken by these things I watch my child struggle with and through. And as weak as I am, the fierceness of the love I have for my child and the ache of how badly I want to help him, it amazes me that it itsn't even an inkling of how much God loves us. Amazing grace, indeed.

And all those years I prayed for patience, God is answering those now. Those prayers for a better understanding and more compassionate spirit, He's building those, too. He is molding me, and dear friends, He is molding you.

Our burdens and our crosses are made to break us. In our weak and broken state, He is our strength. He is our gentle response to the ultra tantrums in the grocery store, He is the deep breath and sweet words when our tongues want to scream, He is the arms we feel around us when we crumple onto the kitchen floor at the end of a too long day when we have fallen so very short. He is the nice words at the IEP meetings when we want to tell them what we think of "that" plan. And He is the gentle chiding we hear when we look at other moms and think how much better than "I" they are.

In all our struggles as wives, mothers, home schoolers and special needs parents it is so easy to forget that God is always faithful. His love never fails and it endures forever. As we continue on this journey together, I am so grateful and humble that God, even knowing my deepest fears and weakest spirit, gave me this perfect child. And I am so glad that you are here sharing this journey with me.

Life, the universe and everything

 

 Hello! I have missed you and writing. And field trips, cooking, gardening and other homeschooling adventures lately. You see, I haven't wanted to write out all the things in my head and heart until I felt I had a better grasp on them. 

Two days before the adorable Mr. F was due (no, he didn't come until 9 days later) we FINALLY got a diagnosis on Mr. T. My sweet wonderful child who is ahead on so many different levels has problems speaking. He was very much ahead on his speech until about 18 months, when he got his MMR, but that is for a different discussion altogether. At that point, his forward progressions stopped. He kept using his sign language and the words he had, but while he added new signs there were no new words. Our pediatrician wanted us to wait on seeking professional help/diagnosis at his 2 year checkup, so we did. But by 2.5, we decided that that was enough and we needed to have him evaluated. And after the initial evaluation the diagnosis is CAS. Childhood Apraxia of Speech. CAS is a motor planning disorder. Mr. T knows in his mind what he wants to say, but he literally cannot get his mouth to say it. He also has phonological patterning problems and fronting issues.

That moment was a monster. On the one hand, I was so glad to know the name of the beast that was keeping my little guy from communicating his wonderful ideas with the world and on the other I was brokenhearted. My perfect little blessing has a huge hurdle and I can't move it out of his way. I have an amazing, smart, talented and mischievous little boy. That didn't change. But a lot of other things did.

And it's hard. But I have met some amazing moms and dads who have blessings of their own with CAS and other speech issues. I am also so very thankful that God, in all His wisdom, put ASL into our lives as an early communication tool. As difficult as is can be some days, Mr. T can almost always get the gist of what he wants to tell us by using his signs. 

So now, almost 9 weeks into having Mr. F around, we are all adjusting. Speech therapy twice a week, Mr. T also just had his tongue clipped this week, our "normal" homeschool routiIne now includes lots of speech exercises that Mr. T does not always want to do (add frustration for mom), and Mr. F is still not sleeping through the night as well as I (and Mr. Glam) would like, but by the grace of God, we are making through each beautiful day. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One moment at a time.

I am eternally grateful for the moms who have reached out with support and encouragement. For the friends who send little notes to see how we are. For the prayer warriors. For the family. For all the love that we have always felt, but even more so the last two months. And most of all, for our gracious Heavenly Father who has given me the tools I need to get through this, even if I don't know what they are. I am reminded each time I get a sticky kiss or a "cmn mommy" (come on, mommy), or a shoulder full of spit-up followed by a big gummy grin of how precious these little beings are and how blessed we are to be given them for a time. 

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17